For all things Tooks, and some things, er, relating to other people. As well as to other things. You get the picture.

07 August 2007


I disgust myself.

I got off to a good start. I was up on schedule at 7, had my coffee, chatted with Nurse Betty before she left for work, and got in front of the computer in time to check my email and get cracking at 8.

I managed to get a little bit done straightaway. I finished what I had left from yesterday, and then started onto another proficiency.

But then I lost a little momentum looking for a book I couldn't find. I waded through tons of readings and binders and papers and started to get that icky feeling. I shook it off until about 10:30, but I realized that I needed to drop off my bike at the shop and return library books. So I rounded up the hound and we ran those little errands. When we returned, it occurred to me that I had forgotten to eat breakfast, and I figured I would eat an early lunch and then rest and get back on schedule at 1.

But Harry Potter was sitting next to the bed, and I figured I'd read a bit to make me sleepy in preparation for a cat nap.

That was probably, in retrospect, an error in judgment. As predicted, I went ahead and finished the three chapters I had left. Now I know how the whole saga ends (no spoilers, but it's pretty good), and I should be satisfied and ready to work.

But now I feel more icky and unmotivated and frustrated than ever. The house is very quiet and lonely and Papi is lazy except when he barks at the mail lady. He makes me want to be lazy too (except when he barks at the mail lady). I'm thinking about if it's too early to walk him, or if I should wait until it gets cooler after dinner. I'm thinking of doing some reading for my class so at least I can procrastinate productively. I'm thinking of napping, but I'm wondering if I will be too overcome by self-loathing to sleep, or if I do, I will sleep too long and then all my feelings of guilt and shame will cause me to combust and blow a hole in the roof of our new house.

So you see, I've got some issues. Mostly, they have to do with my lack of motivation to tackle this master's portfolio that I've run out of time to work on. I hate it and it's not going away. I know I can do it, but it is so boring and stupid that it's an ongoing struggle to muster the will to even write a few paragraphs.

I am sucking at life right now.

I think I'll go stare out the window in case there's someone whose life I can save and be minorly injured in the act. Then I'll have a legitimate reason not to do work, what with the recuperation and press conferences and youtube recreations.


While away the lonesome hours of not-working with me,



Blogger Shenkel said...

If it makes you feel any better, I procrastinate going to check my email in internet cafes. I didn`t think that procrastination would exist in my life of (relative) leisure...but, oh, it does.
You can do it!..eventually...after you do that other thing...and then neatly stack your papers for the tenth time.

3:02 PM EDT


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