For all things Tooks, and some things, er, relating to other people. As well as to other things. You get the picture.

05 January 2004

at movie theaters in texas, they sell pickles. the pickles are whole and large and come in plastic bags filled with pickle juice. they do not taste good.

i know this because i recently had a pickle at a movie theater in austin with my girlfriend.

the bizarre yet completely true story begins in the parking lot of metropolis cinemas.

CAT (my girlfriend): Hey, since you're buying the tickets, i'll buy the popcorn. Ok?

TR: Sounds good to me.

CAT: Want a pickle, too?

TR: Ha ha, I wish. You know that my love of pickles verges on the unhealthy.

CAT: They have pickles here.

TR: Where?

CAT: Here, at the theater.

TR: (After a moment of dumbfounded silence) Wha?

CAT: They sell pickles at the movie theater. Why is that so confusing?

TR: Maybe because that's the weirdest thing since Disney buying a hockey franchise and naming it after a stupid movie with Emilio Estevez.

CAT: What, they don't have that in Worcester?

TR: I've never heard of this in my life.

As the previews roll.

TR: (Biting the pickle) Ew, this is gross. It's all soft and gooey and way too salty and not dilly enough. And it's massive. And whole. I don't think I will ever try to eat a pickle in a movie theater again. I almost lost my will to live there, what with the ickiness and the weirdness.

RANDOM ANNOYED MOVIEGOER: Shut up, dork! Eat your pickle like a man!

TR: Shutting up, sir. Eating like a man, sir.

And that's the way it was. Every word of the foregoing is true, and the Random Annoyed Moviegoer can testify to that. You can contact him at

Recoil in disgust with me,


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