at movie theaters in texas, they sell pickles. the pickles are whole and large and come in plastic bags filled with pickle juice. they do not taste good.

i know this because i recently had a pickle at a movie theater in austin with my girlfriend.

the bizarre yet completely true story begins in the parking lot of metropolis cinemas.

CAT (my girlfriend): Hey, since you're buying the tickets, i'll buy the popcorn. Ok?

TR: Sounds good to me.

CAT: Want a pickle, too?

TR: Ha ha, I wish. You know that my love of pickles verges on the unhealthy.

CAT: They have pickles here.

TR: Where?

CAT: Here, at the theater.

TR: (After a moment of dumbfounded silence) Wha?

CAT: They sell pickles at the movie theater. Why is that so confusing?

TR: Maybe because that's the weirdest thing since Disney buying a hockey franchise and naming it after a stupid movie with Emilio Estevez.

CAT: What, they don't have that in Worcester?

TR: I've never heard of this in my life.

As the previews roll.

TR: (Biting the pickle) Ew, this is gross. It's all soft and gooey and way too salty and not dilly enough. And it's massive. And whole. I don't think I will ever try to eat a pickle in a movie theater again. I almost lost my will to live there, what with the ickiness and the weirdness.

RANDOM ANNOYED MOVIEGOER: Shut up, dork! Eat your pickle like a man!

TR: Shutting up, sir. Eating like a man, sir.

And that's the way it was. Every word of the foregoing is true, and the Random Annoyed Moviegoer can testify to that. You can contact him at randomannoyedmoviegoer@randomannoyedmoviegoer.org.

Recoil in disgust with me,
TR